Hammenburg's Monster
By Debra Tillar
Dr. Hammenburg wanted her to have an exotic look, like a femme fatale in an arthouse film but with the physique of a nightclub stripper. Not easy to find, but he managed. Peering into her placid face, he eagerly imagined the eyes awake, the lips smiling at him. But there was still work to do—the top of the skull was open and the brain pan sat empty.
It was a tough choice. He read the specifications on the lab jars many times: teacher, CEO, physicist, SAHM, surgeon, police officer, prostitute. He finally picked surgeon. They’d have stimulating conversations and she could assist in future experiments.
The early months were bliss. The memory therapy worked flawlessly, her hair grew back quickly, and the sex was awesome. For some odd reason she spoke with an accent and told people she was from Latvia, but he happened to know the body was from Buffalo.
Their first argument was nothing, really—she overcooked a roast and when he commented she threw it out the window. The homeless man who cruised East Tenth scooped it up and ran. The following week when Hammenburg mentioned that the pasta was undercooked she dumped it on his head. And then the laundry began to pile up.
He returned from work one day and she was on the couch, reading.
“This place is a mess,” she said. “You should hire a cleaning service.”
Soon afterward she found him reading the specs of the SAHM brain.
“What’s a SAHM?”
“Stay-at-home-mom,” he said. “A person with many talents.”
“Hmm.”
Three months later Dr. Hammenburg’s colleagues were surprised at his early retirement. He stayed home now, was an excellent cook, kept an impeccable home, and hosted fabulous parties. And the sex was awesome.
Debra Tillar is an artist, a writer, and a traveler--not always in that order. She enjoys creating art from natural and found objects, she writes every day, and she continues to eagerly explore all seven continents. Debra grew up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan and although she’s been living on the seacoast of New Hampshire for forty years she still considers herself a New Yorker.
I love how you turned this on its head! 😂
Ha! Well, she was a surgeon. What did Mr. Hammenburg expect? I'm so glad the sex was still awesome. SOHM's, do indeed, have many talents. LOL! A very fun, tightly woven story. Loved it!